Barry Bonds Press Conference

Mr. Bonds will now make a prepare statement and then answer your questions:

BB: I will fight these lies that have been perpetrated against me by the U.S. government and by baseball. I am being singled out unfairly because I am better than everyone else AND because I'm a successful black athlete. Just look at Michael Vick......uh.....ok, for example O.J......ahh.....Ron Artest.....anyway, they are just picking on me. Are there any questions.

Question: Barry how does this affect your plans for next season?

BB: Oh, I'll be playing somewhere, hitting homeruns and setting more records. Although I guess now it could be for the Marion Marauders at Marion Federal Penitentiary.

Question: You've maintained your innocence in this matter from the beginning but the evidence clearly shows that you were not truthful. What do you have to say to your fans?

BB: You #$%$#$#$%%! That's the stupidest question I've ever heard. I'm not going to even dignify that with another lie.........er.......answer.

Question: So how do you explain the mystical change in your body from your rookie year until now?

BB: Hard work, dedication and a steady supply of my favorite food, HGH burgers, sold only on the Internet. I can give you the number, if you want it, you pencilnecked-geek.

Thank you Barry for your honesty. We all feel a little better now.